Confession of a Worship Leader:
I haven't always loved worship.
I have always loved music. I have always loved church. But I haven't always loved worship. Growing up in a family who attended church every time the doors were open, I had my fair share of opportunities to experience worship in a corporate setting. I knew the hymns, the choruses, and I knew how to go through the motions by watching what others did around me. But it wasn't real. It wasn't authentic to me. And many times, I was just ready for it all to be over.
When I got to be in middle school, I remember watching one of the girls in my youth group who was a junior in high school. She sang on the youth worship team and had an incredible voice, but more than that, I remember watching her stand on the front row of church each Sunday and sing, with arms raised and a smile on her face, to Jesus. There was something different about the way she worshiped. Something real. Something deeper than just going through the motions. But I just didn't feel it.
In high school, I started playing the keyboard for my youth group and would help sing as well. There were certain worship songs that stirred me more deeply than others. But I still found myself at a place between apathy (not really caring) in worship and complacency (being ok with where I was at). Something was lacking. It wasn't the music style or the worship leading. It wasn't my ability to raise my hands or clap or go through the physical motions of worship.
What was lacking was my sincerity.
"But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.” John 4:23-24
This verse is the response of Jesus to a woman who was concerned about who could worship God, and where the worship had to take place. Jesus was explaining to her that the person and the place are not what is important. It is the motive and the authenticity that matter. Many times we get caught up with the details of worship- the music, the atmosphere, the people around us- and we miss the whole point.
God is Spirit, and we are to worship Him in spirit. We are created as spiritual beings. Our spirit is the core of who we are, the essence of our personality and character. In order to worship God with our spirit, we have to get to a place of intimacy with Him. A place where we know Him and He knows us. A place where we see His heart and we know His voice. A place where His Word comes alive to us and brings hope and life. When we are intentional with our time and make intimacy with God a priority, our worship will grow into something real and authentic.
Jesus also says we must worship God in truth. I'm sure we have all experienced a worship setting where it was more about the details and less about being real and open and pouring out our hearts before God. As worship leaders, we try to encourage people in worship by saying, "lift your hands" or "worship with us", and although there's nothing wrong with that, it often produces a response that isn't authentic or real. It's not really worship if it doesn't come from your heart. I have seen people who worship big and loud, but it was more about drawing attention to themselves than honoring God. Our worship should be birthed out of intimacy with God, which creates a response that is authentic and genuine. That might look different for each of us, but only God knows our hearts, and that's what really matters anyway.
When I was 18 I decided that I had experienced enough of what the world had to offer and was determined to follow hard after Jesus. Through a period in my life of fasting and prayer, Jesus became more real to me than ever. His Word became my source of direction and life. And through my deepening relationship with God, I developed a love for worship. I came to church excited to lift my voice and my praise to the God who I had been seeking and fellowshipping with all week long. I longed to be in His presence and loved every moment that I was able to be in that place with fellow believers.
I would encourage you today to ask yourself two questions:
1. Is my worship real and authentic?
2. How can I intentionally cultivate a deeper relationship with Christ that will result in a more sincere worship experience?
Father, forgive me. I have passed up so many opportunities to worship you in spirit and truth. I have sat back, complacent and apathetic, and refused to give you the praise and honor you deserve. Help me to know you more. Speak to me and show me your heart. Let me hear your voice and experience your presence in a way that compels me to worship you in spirit and in truth. May my worship always be an authentic expression of the work you are doing inside of me.
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